The First United Church of Me First
by Paul Lytle
“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,’ and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.”
-Romans 13:8-10
Strangely, I read these articles only a day apart from one another.
In the first, I found it on a Christian website that was trying to reach out, they said, to the new generation by addressing culture and that sort of thing. Great. I love it. Only the first article I read was about how women should be allowed to breast-feed in the middle of the sermon.
Someone, thankfully, brought up that we should not do thing that might make others stumble, to which the author replied that the older men should teach the younger ones better than that. Therefore, if it was an issue with anyone, it was their own fault.
Which rather missed the whole point of the verse, but let’s get to that one later.
Second article, or really a blog post. The author was arguing against frank talks about sex from the pulpit. Even if the sermons were biblical, he felt that talks about sex should remain very vague, and maybe if someone had a problem they could go to the pastor privately.
The reaction was mixed, but most of the people agreed. They thought it would be icky if a preacher started talking about masturbation in the middle of a sermon. These issues, they said, while important, should remain private.
And the whole thing caused me to stop and think, mainly because I found myself on seemingly contradictory sides in these two debates. On the one hand, I think women who need to breast-feed probably should go into a side room. Why? Because a lot of people think it’s icky. On the other hand, I think that preachers should totally talk about masturbation. A lot. Yes, it’s icky too, but I still think we need to have preachers talking about it.
On the one hand, I am against something that could be considered icky, and on the other, all for it. On the theological issue of icky, it seemed, my views were not consistent.
And then I thought about it some more, and I’m pretty sure my views don’t contradict at all. They just don’t belong in the First United Church of Me First.
This world is rather heavily about “Me.” Everywhere we turn, people are telling us to seek out our own desires, follow our instincts, climb the corporate ladder, achieve, succeed, have fun, just do it, seize the day, if it feels good do it, and worry about the consequences later. “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.”
We trample workers in Walmart to get to a Christmas sale. We’ll murder over shoes. We’ll scheme and mislead all day to get a little extra money. We’ll cheat on our spouses. Heck, we’ll sleep with anyone. From commerce to relationships, our society is run on selfishness.
How many protests and parades do we get every year with another group demanding their rights? How many people will jump in your face to lecture you because they think that their cause is more important than anything you are doing? How many people really vote for the candidates that will do the best job rather than the candidate that will give them more free stuff?
So people are coming off the street, where people will yell, scream, march, steal, lie, and even kill to get something more, and going into the church. Should it surprise us that much when the church begins to look like that too?
Some of the biggest churches in the world are set up like this. Follow God and you will be rich. Follow God and you will be respected, successful, and important. You don’t have to lie, cheat, and steal to get more! God will do all of those things for you. These people worship only because they are promised something for it.
In other churches it may look a little different, but the core is the same. In these, the preacher gives very stern sermons about sin — specifically the sins of other people. They preach about the evils of drinking and music and homosexuality, all the evils that never actually come up in the congregation. The sins of gossip, unloving attitudes, and hypocrisy never come up. These people worship because they are better than everyone else.
Still other variations arise. Some churches limit their scope of God. They see Jesus as some sort of first century hippie that never got mad, loved everyone, and taught peace. Or they see Jesus only when He condemns the Pharisees, or only when He heals people. They skip the stuff they don’t really want to hear, because it doesn’t line up with what they believe. These people worship because their god is just like them.
All of these Christians go to church for themselves — to promote themselves, to make themselves feel good, to make themselves think they are better than others. And while these churches may bicker at each other about how the other ones are messing everything up, they are ultimately the same. They do not reflect God, but they reflect themselves.
This is an almost universal issue. We all think we’re a little smarter than we really are, that we know more than we really do, and that we are right much more than we are wrong. Personally, I have difficulty going to a church without thinking, “Well, it would be better to do things this way. Wouldn’t it be nicer if the music were like this? I sure would like a longer sermon.” There are things I would like about church that I do not get, and it bothers me sometimes.
But when I look at the Word, I cannot help but see the wrongness of that all. The Church, as established and described by Jesus, is not a place to shout out your rights. It’s a place to give them up.
Let me be very clear about this. You may be right. You may be dead on right. And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because it’s never, never, never about you. It’s always about someone else.
You may have the right, technically, to breastfeed in the middle of the sanctuary. I don’t think you do, but let’s just say you do. What of it? If you know that it’s going to cause someone around you to loss focus on Jesus, to grow uncomfortable, or even sin, then what have you accomplished? You have put yourself before everyone. You have made everyone bend to your will. And in the end, it’s going to backfire, because Jesus promises us that “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted” (Matthew 23:12).
How striking the difference between the Christian of today and Paul. Paul was dealing with some Christians who believed that they needed to follow the Jewish dietary rules to please God. Paul knew better. He knew that what you food cannot get you to heaven.
But he also knew that if he flaunted that freedom in front of his brothers, it would cause them to stumble. They would be confused, perhaps even angry. Perhaps they would be so angry that they would just leave. And so Paul’s response is to surrender his own rights. “Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble” (1 Corinthians 8:13).
In this, Paul shows that he loves his neighbor more than he loves pork.
Which seems like a very obvious thing to say, but it’s not. I cringe when I see someone putting breastfeeding over the spiritual well-being of her brothers and sisters in Christ. This woman would never admit that is what she is doing, but it is. She doesn’t want to get up and walk a dozen yards to a secluded place, so she would rather make everyone else uncomfortable.
And she is not the exception. We make out weaker brothers stumble in what we wear to church. If you’re going to a very old fashioned, conservative church, then just put on a tie! It won’t kill you. Does God care what you wear to church? Of course not! He tells us that in James 1. But the people around you do, so just do it out of love for them.
We cause each other to stumble in how we worship. I’ve been in some non-hand raising churches that would get very distracted by someone who suddenly raised a hand. Don’t do it. Keep your hand down. Does God care? No. The Bible says to lift your hands (Psalm 63:4, 134:2, Lamentations 3:41, 1 Timothy 2:8). But your neighbor does, so out of love for him, keep your hands down.
We cause them to stumble in how we sing. There are churches that have old fashioned music. They thing modern stuff is evil. Is it? Of course not. God tells us to “Sing to him a new song” (Psalm 33:3). But if it’s going to upset someone, then sing the old hymn.
Others worship on Saturday; others debate on whether to use wine or grape juice; others want you to knell during prayer. If they aren’t asking you to sin, and conceding the point would keep fellowship and peace, then do it.
The Church today is filled with discussions on the way we should do things. Let me translate that. When someone says, “This is the way it should be,” he means, “This is the way I want it.” And that way usually has nothing to do with Scripture.
Sure, you’re going to be able to find a verse or two taken out of context to get your point across, but what is really going on is that you want it a certain way, and that’s the way it must be.
And in the end you may be right. But here’s the strange thing about Christianity — it still doesn’t matter.
And it’s really cool that it doesn’t.
Have you been witness to a marriage where each partner just demands to have it his way all the time? Worse yet, are you part of one of these marriages? Is it either person happy? No. Have you witnessed a child in the playground who will not share his toys with anyone? Where is that child normally? All by himself.
We can plainly see in this world that it takes a certain amount of give to get along. There is a certain amount of compromise involved. Those people who demand to have it their way all the time usually end up friendless, divorced, and lonely.
It is, of course, a direct testimony of your love for someone to sacrifice for that person. How much give are you willing to allow? How much time, money, and effort are you willing to give to someone?
Those people you don’t like aren’t likely to get much. You’re not as willing to help an enemy move as a friend. Why would you sacrifice a weekend at all to help a friend move? Because you love that person. It’s not all about me.
In a good marriage, there are countless hours one spouse will spend on trying to help the other spouse, usually expecting nothing in return. It’s just what you do when you love someone.
My biggest frustration in the tendency to shout out your rights all the time is this: What do you gain from it? How much are your rights worth? It is worth everyone being annoyed at you? Is it worth not having any friends? Is your little self-interest worth making other people upset?
Many say yes, and in this they prove that they do not love the others who will be hurt. They love themselves far more.
That’s the choice they make. If they want something, but that something will upset their neighbors, and they demand it anyway, then they love that thing more than their neighbors.
It’s the same in the church. If you are willing to make the others in the church uncomfortable just so you don’t have to walk fifty feet to a secluded area to breastfeed, then you have proven that your love for your church is very small, and the love you have for your own comfort is very great.
And that’s the whole point of it. When Paul declares that he will not eat meat again if it will help others, he is talking about his love for them. He is putting them before food.
That’s what love does. Love causes a husband to put the toilet seat down. Love causes a friend to help another one move. Love means that I don’t ask my Seventh-Day Adventist friends to hang out on Friday night. Sure I would like to! But my friends are worth more than hanging out. Love means that I don’t eat my maple and brown sugar oatmeal at my desk, because my desk partner doesn’t like the smell of it.
Do I have the right to eat my oatmeal right there? Sure. Is it worth it? Never.
That’s the whole point. That’s the whole point. In the issues where I have freedom, even a right, to do something, I need to think about others and how they will be affected.
I have to weigh the issues. Is what I want worth making someone I love upset? If it’s not a sin to act differently, then why would my own issues be worth the fellowship of Christians?
As Paul tells us, “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful” (1 Corinthians 6:12).
Does that go for a sermon on sex as well? I mean, that would make others uncomfortable. Should we avoid any sermon topic that would make others uncomfortable?
No. We should preach on sex. We should talk about it a lot. Why? Because the Bible talks about it a lot.
We have to understand that some activity is sin, and other activity is not sin. We have freedom to do things that are not sins, but we have no freedom when it comes to sin.
This is critical, and so I will repeat it. When there is freedom without sin, let us concede to one another. When there is sin without freedom, then let us obey God first.
So what does that mean? As an example, drinking is not a sin, but some people think it is and other people are alcoholics. I wouldn’t drink with either group. Why? Because drinking is lawful, but it may not be helpful (1 Corinthians 6:12). In this case, it’s not helpful because it’s going to make the first people upset and it will tempt the second group. Better that I not drink at all!
Getting drunk is a sin. So if my brother refuses to drink, I have no problem with that, because to drink or not to drink is not a question of sin. If he’s getting drunk, then I’ll say something to him, because that is a matter of sin.
This is critical to understand, because if we don’t understand it, we’re going to push people away who should be held close and hold close those who should be pushed away. We’re going to scold those who have done nothing wrong and approve of those who should be scolded.
And we have churches doing each. We have fundamentalist churches who frown on anyone who has a beer or listens to music with guitars, as though these activities were sinful! And then there are liberal churches who don’t care what you do at all, as though we have freedom in everything.
There are areas of freedom. There are sins. And we need to know the difference. My wife may not like it that I go to bed at a certain time, but she’s not going to report me to the police over it. There’s no law against going to sleep at a certain time. But if I abuse her, she would be well within her rights to call the police. That is a criminal matter.
So while we should act within our freedom to help and support others, we should never act in areas of sin. So maybe we should avoid beef while eating with our Catholic friends during Lent (though we have freedom to eat beef if we wish), and maybe we should not order a beer with our teetotaler friends (though we have freedom to drink), and maybe we shouldn’t ask our Seventh Day Adventist friends to hang out on Friday nights (though we have freedom to hang out on Friday nights). But we should not turn the same blind eye to those who are in sin, who are in rebellion against God.
To get back to the original examples. Maybe a mother with child should step out of the room when breastfeeding, for the sake of the others in the room. There may be freedom there, arguably, but out of love, pass on your freedom. But we don’t compromise on the Word of God, because our freedom does not extend to the rejection of the Word, and so preachers need to preach on sexual matters. Out of love, we should preach the Word and ask and expect Christians to obey it.
It’s wonderful that Jesus did not fall into either trap. On the one hand, he recognized certain cultural rules as areas of freedom, and so he did not jump in with the Pharisees when they quoted non-biblical rules about the Sabbath, diet, and ceremony. He rightfully pointed to their real sin, which was their lack of love, and did not get caught up in the details of culture. Notice that He never criticized their ceremonies themselves, but only their motives. Their ceremonies fell under the same freedom, and so He did not condemn them for having ceremony, but did speak to their motives and that they demanded that everyone conform to the same ceremonies.
But at the same time, while He recognized the freedom we have, He also did not bite His tongue when it came to the Word of God. He did not skirt an issue because it was unpopular. He did not stop quoting Scripture when it would make someone squirm.
And it was all for love. Every bit of it. Love brought Him to the Cross, that symbol that at once reveals to us our sin and also frees us from it. It bids us to follow, to act, out of love, in His ways, and also opens up the whole word to us.
As Christ surrendered His own rights for our sake, let us to the same for our brothers and sisters, even to our own lives. We are only alive, after all, because of His death, and because of His resurrection we can never die. What is the few yards you have to walk to breastfeed right now in comparison with that? What is the discomfort we may feel when a pastor exhorts us in the Word that may hit a little too close to home in comparison to that?
He did not think it too much to hang upon a Cross for we who did not deserve it. Can we not show a little love for one another to follow His example?
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