Of Thorns and Grace

by Paul Lytle

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

-1 Corinthians 12:7-10

For the second time in my life, this passage has become critically important to me. Both times it set my heart at peace, even though it reminds me that my plans will probably not come about.

So I wanted to write a little about my thorn: Loneliness.

I've heard a lot of debate about what Paul's thorn was. What was it that he so wanted to be rid of? Some people have said it is a physical disability. Others have said it was a critic or group of critics that was particularly cruel to him.

I'm glad he doesn't tell us, and I think it's important that he doesn't. We as Christians have the habit of getting legalistic about things. If he had told us, "I have carpal tunnel syndrome and it's driving me crazy!" then some churches would declare carpal-tunnel syndrome to be a divine ailment and that we should try to get it. Another church would pray for healing of all illness except carpal-tunnel syndrome, since obviously we're meant to keep that one until we die (and possibly beyond). Another church would say that grace can only take care of carpal-tunnel syndrome and no other illness, so if you get a cold you're going to hell.

The truth is that we are all meant for different things, and our own weaknesses are our own. They can come in so many different forms: "weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities." For one person it is going to be infertility, for another it will be physical pain, for another danger of dying, for another it will be financial troubles, for another an annoying person who is constantly making disparaging remarks about him, for another it's going to be a daughter who insists on playing boy bands 24 hours a day.

Sometimes they are temporary. It's not wrong to pray for deliverance. It's not. Paul never says that he was wrong to pray that his thorn be removed. Sometimes sick people get better; sometimes infertile people have children; sometimes financial troubles clear up.

Sometimes they don't. For Paul, it didn't.

I don't know if it will be temporary for me. I pray it's not. I pray that every day. But either way, these verses are important.

A few years ago I was married. I was a rather new Christian and probably should have sought Christ more before seeking this woman. It is a mistake I would never wish on anyone. We had a lot of problems, and a couple of years ago, we were pretty much divorced in every way except the legal one. The legal part of it came pretty quickly after.

During that terrible process was the first time I really came to this passage. It was a very ugly divorce, even though we never argued over possessions. Sometimes it seemed like it was all about making me hurt. I don't know if that was the goal, but that was the result. It was the first time I discovered that this passage was not a command at all, but a promise.

You see, so many churches believe that if you are ever down or sad, then you are sinning. Being sad is not a sin. After all, Jesus Himself wept. But they are going to tell you that, that if you are not smiling all the time and quoting passages about being "more than a conqueror" out of context, then you don't know Jesus.

Because of this influence, I always thought of this passage as a command. "You better not be sad," I thought it meant. "Don't be upset! If you are, then you don't know grace."

But in that period, I realized it was something else. It was Christ promising Paul (and us) something special. "I know it hurts," He is saying, "but I will be your comfort. I will be your peace. My love is big enough for any problem. Lean on Me and I will fill up even the weakest part of yourself with My strength."

I prayed a lot in that time. Probably not enough, but a lot. I slipped a lot, but I made it fine. He took my loneliness and turned it into something productive. Suddenly, I was reading the Bible a lot more, investing more of myself into others, and becoming a better person.

He was growing in me through my weakness, my thorn.

I was still lonely. I was, and I prayed that God deliver me from being alone. I wanted to get married; I wanted children. And so I prayed.

And I found someone. She was wonderful, and I could not stop praising God for her. We had something truly wonderful. If you have been reading my work for any period of time, you have heard me mention her.

We got engaged rather quickly, and everything was going very well. But then, a month before the wedding, she backed out and stopped speaking to me. I was bewildered and hurt, to say the least.

A little time has gone by, and I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and in the Bible. God has been kind, and I've been doing quite a bit better than I should be.

But I'm lonely.

And I miss her. I miss her terribly.

I still want to get married. I still want children. But I'm getting a little older, and it's frustrating. Almost without exception, all the people I went to high school with are married or have kids or both. Those few exceptions are at least engaged.

I'm moving as well, and I feel like I'm starting over. I'm going to find a new church, find some friends, and pray that God leads me to the right place.

I'm sad. I'm down. But I'm being held up by Christ, and so I'm okay.

I don't know how this will end, but I know that when I look back on this time, I will know that it was worth it. My divorce was worth it, because of how much closer I got to Christ. This will be too. That is part of the promise.

It may be that I spend the rest of my life alone. I'm still praying for a family, but we don't always get the things we pray for. Sometimes, God wants to fill that weakness in us Himself.

When He does, it's always better.

NOTE: Since the writing of this article, God has shown me yet again how unpredictable His road for me is, and also how wonderfully merciful He is. By that mercy, my fiancée has returned, and we will be married (God willing) soon after the publication of this article. I still publish it because it is still true, even when He has saved me from loneliness for at least a time. And it is still true because I do not know where I go from here, even if I go with her. I cannot say any troubles are over, but I still say that God is in control over all.

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